Yogi Berra once said, "Ninety percent of the game is half mental". I thought a lot about this quote the night of September 4th. Just another Tuesday in the life of yours truly. However, this day was anything but ordinary. This was my last day of eating everything not nailed down. Because, for the first time in a LONG time, I was finally ready to do something I hadn't been able to do in years...LOSE WEIGHT.
For years, I've struggled with the number on the scale. As a child, I was always heavier than all my classmates and friends. My parents never sat me down and said, "you're eating everything on your plate because there are starving kids in Africa". From a very early age, I ate everything on my plate and then some because I was hungry. Constantly hungry. It probably didn't help matters that, instead of wanting to go outside and play all the time, I planted my fat ass in front of the TV and had Nintendo tournaments with the neighborhood kids and our favorite pals, Mario and Luigi. To this day, I still don't understand the purpose of that damn toad!!
At any rate, for most of my childhood, I was pudgy, especially during the dreaded years of Jr. High. Talk about the three worst years of my life. All my friends were getting taller and I was getting fatter. I remember, while playing a very "competitive" game of volleyball in 6th grade gym class, one of my classmates called me fat. I can't recall my exact facial expression at that time but, had I been one of those "rebel without a cause" kids, I would've hauled off and punched him in the face. Luckily, my best friend said, in a voice I felt at the time could shatter glass, "Shut up, Barry". We still laugh about that to this day!! And, I'm glad that I can laugh about it. Words are much like weapons. They cut deep and leave scars that sometimes never go away. When you're bigger than the average bear, you are a little bit more sensitive, especially when you're a girl who's got a little extra "junk in her trunk".
In high school, I was on the swim team. That was probably my first experience with exercise of any kind. We would swim every day after school. After getting home, it took everything I had to eat and finish my homework...I was exhausted! As a result of my years on the team, I was the leanest and lightest I'd ever been...155 lbs!! To a former fat girl, this was probably the greatest thing to ever happen to me at that point. I felt and looked good, although my haircut and clothing choices still had a lot of room for improvement!!
High school quickly turned into college and the dreaded fifteen somehow turned into the "dreaded I lost count somewhere in between all the ice cream, pizza and beer I consumed". However, even though I had gained back all the weight I had lost and then some, this period of time was when I got well acquainted with a gym. Looking back, as nervous as I was stepping into the land of all the perfect people, it really did save my life...until my thyroid surgery.
Fast-forward to me moving back home to go back to school. Nursing school, to be exact. Throughout my nursing school years, I also was a member of Weight Watchers. Before I moved home, I had started the program and continued it when I moved back to town. Over a span of nine months, I lost 50 lbs. and I felt like I could accomplish anything. Too bad my thyroid had other plans. I had been nursing for about six months when I noticed there was something wrong with my neck. One side was increasingly larger than the other and it seemed as if it happened overnight. Naturally, since I had RN behind my name, I just assumed it was cancer. After appointments and tests, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I had what one doctor described as the biggest goiter he'd ever seen. Mr. Potato Head was encompassing the entire left lobe of my thyroid. There was a chance it was cancer, something I had assumed even before I realized what was happening. I had surgery in Feb. 2006 and was relieved to get the news it wasn't cancer! Since my surgery, it has become more difficult to drop even a pound. To make matters worse, I have gained back most of the weight I had lost during WW. For the last several months, no matter how much blood, sweat and tears I put in at the gym, the number on the scale wouldn't budge.
About a month ago, I had an epiphany. If I didn't do something and soon, things were gonna get ugly! I vowed right then that I would do whatever it took to lose my "food baby" weight and for good! During the summer, my gym had a "Biggest Loser" contest. At the beginning of the summer, I convinced myself that I couldn't do it, so I didn't join. Well, the second "Biggest Loser" contest started September 5th with me as a contestant. Could I do this? Could I really do this? The night before, I jokingly referred to my evening meal as my "last supper" and scarfed down a double baconator and large fries from Wendy's. It was THE best burger and fries I had ever eaten! I was in Heaven. The next day, I faced the scale and about vomited when I saw the dreadful number staring back at me...204. I include it in this blog because it holds me accountable. Sure, some of you may be shocked. Maybe you thought it wasn't possible I could weigh that much. Maybe you thought the number would've been a lot higher. I was embarrassed. How did I let myself get back into the 200's?? Obviously, if I had known the answer, I wouldn't been back there!!!
Even though I'm only three days into the contest, I feel so much better, moth mentally and physically. Remember what Yogi said? Well, this is what I say...100% of dieting is ALL mental. For years, I told myself that I couldn't do it. Why did I want to eat apples when I could have that greasy slice of pizza? Well, you know what? I finally get it. You have to believe and want it more than you've ever wanted anything in life. I had to completely change my way of thinking. Instead of the "life is short, eat whatever you want" mentality that has brought me to this point, I now see life a bit differently. I can't call it a diet because diets are too restricting. In my opinion, it's an entire lifestyle change. If I was going to do this, I was going to do this right. Not only was I going to change my eating, but I was going to have to hold myself accountable, and that meant recording EVERYTHING I put in my mouth! This last bit has proved to be the key. When you have to see in print on on an app everything you've eaten over the course of a day, you become much more aware of what is good and what is gonna be a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!
So, I'm on my my umpteenth weight-loss journey. Will I be a big loser at the end? I sure hope so! Whatever happens, I already consider myself a loser for having the courage to face my food addiction head on. I may not be where I want to be, but I'm a lot closer than I was three days ago!!
"If you eat what you've always eaten, you'll weigh what you've always weighed". People, I'm no expert, but I'm simply trying to eat a little less and move a little more. If I can do it, you can, too!! Make a commitment today to change your life...and, your underwear on a daily basis!! :)
