I've always been a rather shy person. Last summer, I thought taking up running would help me break out of my shell. Granted, I was from the school that you should only run if something or someone was chasing you. No one should ever do it for any sort of exercise. In fact, I thought most of those people that I saw trotting down the road had lost it. Who would want to do something so ridiculous? After much coaxing by a few people, I started. Very slow. So slow, in fact, it was almost a fast walk. I started on the treadmill. I figured that was the best place for a "newbie" to start. Less eyes on me. Shy me. I could only run one minute without stopping. Probably because I nearly started hyperventilating. I jumped off the treadmill, sweat coming out of what felt like every pore on my body. I could barely speak. Plus, I had to pee. Not a surprise, considering most of my insides jiggle and shake when running. It only took one minute to get that stitch in my side. How can I do this? How do most people do this? I had to figure this out...and, quick. I wasn't going to give up.
The next few weeks at the gym were physically demanding. I'm a big girl. I have more fat to contend with, especially around the middle. But, I told myself that I could do this. Slowly, but surely, I was turning shy little me into a runner. Well, maybe a jogger. At any rate, I slowly increased my time that I was running and not holding onto the siderails. I always found the first 10 minutes the hardest. I told myself that I would be just fine if I could make it through the first 10 minutes. Maybe it's psychological. The first 10 hurt. Like hell. My calves ached. My knees hurt. There was always a little tennis match in my head. Two players, "Good Emily" and "Bad Emily". Good Emily would be saying, "Look at you! You are running! Go for it and never give up". Bad Emily would be shouting, "Jump off this damn machine and go get a Swiss Cake Roll. Now. Running is for losers". The battle raged on until minute 10. Then, I told them both to shut the hell up and I kept on. Was I actually conquering a fear I'd had for a long time? Surely I wasn't actually becoming a runner. Maybe, just maybe!
I few months went by, and I had slowly made it up to 35 minutes of actually jogging without stopping...wow! I nearly cried when I managed that for the first time. Granted, I thought my legs were gonna fall right off after I got finished, but I had done it. And, I was still alive. I decided that, if I was really gonna do this right, I needed to get the proper shoes. Walking into Swift Athletics on a sunny afternoon in Evansville was daunting. And, quite intimidating. Would they see me and immediately start laughing? Maybe they would just let me down easy. "Um, ma'am, don't be ridiculous. You don't even look like a runner. Thanks for playing, but get out of here". Quite the opposite happened. The people there were extremely friendly and very helpful! They watched me walk and run in the store (a little embarrassing!). I walked out of there with less cash but a comfortable (and, correct) pair of running shoes. That's when I decided to transition to the track.
Most of you will remember that last summer was HOT. No, make that scorching. When I would run at the track, it would be around 9 pm. Even then, it was almost unbearable. But, I wasn't gonna let a lot of sweat stop me. At this point, I had a friend meet up with me. Watching her run around the track made me doubt my abilities. She made it look easy. It was a great push for me. Is she could do it, then why couldn't I? After several laps around the track over the course of a few weeks, it was time for the Schweizer Fest Road Run. I had made it my goal to fun that race. The day of the race came, and I felt confident. My friend and I had made a pact that we wouldn't necessarily stay together. I secretly thought she would race right ahead of me anyway, and I didn't want to slow her down. I couldn't believe all the people that showed up. I had done this race several years prior with my dad. He ended up smoking me in that race. I don't like to admit that, seeing as he is nearly 36 years older than I am...ha! Anyway, back to last year's race. I vowed to start out slow. Hell, I was gonna run the entire two mile race SLOW. I was competing against myself. I wasn't out to win. The gun sounded and I was off. My friend and I stayed together for only a few minutes. It was hard. Probably because of the weather. I think it had already reached 80 degrees by the time the race started at 8 am. 80? Are you kidding? Plus, it was humid. I felt like I could barely take a good breath in. I was not starting out well. I made it to the first mile and grabbed a cup of water and gulped it down. I had to stop and walk. I felt terrible for doing this, but I had no other choice. My whole body hurt. After a few blocks, I started running again. I could barely see because the sweat was falling off my forehead and into my eyes faster than I could wipe it away. Had I gone crazy? The last four blocks were the worst. But only physically. Mentally speaking, that was when I kicked it into high gear. There were hundreds of people cheering on the runners. I saw so many people that I knew and they were yelling my name and encouraging me to fun harder, faster. I needed that extra push to get me to the finish line. Crossing that line was a HUGE accomplishment for this chubby girl. I had done it! Granted, my entire body felt like it was on fire...where was the hose when I needed it?
So, I didn't break any records. You know what? I proved to myself that I could do it. I didn't give up. I ended up with a time of 24:25...this was big in my book! Did I just run two 12 minute miles? You've got that right! I even beat some people...yahoo! Okay, so most of the people I beat were walkers...who cares! I was out there on a hot day, running through the beer garden (yes, you could still smell the beer!) proving to myself that I can do anything. I felt high on life after it was over. However, my legs felt like Jello. My head hurt. My knees ached. But, I had done it. And, I rewarded myself with a nap.
If you think you know how this story ends up, you're wrong. I suddenly stopped running. I could make up excuse after excuse as to the cause, but I won't. I guess life just got in the way. I got lazy. I was mad at myself. I've never felt better than I did when I was running. Sure, I kind of wanted to die during some of my training but, overall, I felt amazing. I had no trouble sleeping. I had more energy. All in all, I felt like I could do anything. Then, I lost that feeling. I lost the drive to hit the pavement and continue. For some silly reason, I felt like a failure. I put in a lot of time and sweat, bought a pair of pretty expensive shoes...and now? Well, those shoes were doing nothing but sitting on the floor of my bedroom. Sure, I continued to go to the gym, but I never ran. Sad, but true.
Fast-forward to today. It was a beautiful day in Southern Indiana. I decided to go for a walk. Make that a run/walk. I don't know what happened, but I found the will and the strength to run. I started running about halfway up Mozart. Now, I knew I was nuts! Why would I start on a hill? Well, I did. I would start at a telephone pole and try and run to the next one. Or, I'd choose a mailbox and run to the next one. I ran a few blocks, walked a few blocks. That lasted from halfway up Mozart to my car in front of the gym on Main St. I felt incredible. I was slow. But, I was running! How could this be? After months of nothing, I was doing it again. I had to actually visualize someone chasing me...that was the only way I made it. I kept telling myself that I had to keep running because some scary person was behind me chasing me. A little weird, I know. Hey, it kept me going! That crazy idea got me to my car. And, that crazy idea will keep me going. At the slow rate I go, maybe the only person capable of catching me would be a 90 year-old. I welcome the challenge of "granny" trying to get me :)
Running has taught me a few lessons. First, I CAN do anything I want. I won't ever win any medals, but I've won just knowing that I get out there and prove myself wrong on a daily basis. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to most everything about my life. Never again. I can really do anything I set my mind to...and, I WILL. I've also learned that it takes a lot of strength, courage and a great pair of shoes to accomplish what you want. I am a strong person. I have to have faith in my body to keep me going. I have manly legs. So what? They are strong and will continue to get me here, there and everywhere.
If you've ever thought about running, GO FOR IT! Get out there, try something new and prove to yourself that you can do it. Because, deep down, you know you can. I'm living proof that anyone can run. Believe me, if me and my jiggly fat can get out there, you can, too! If you're waiting for the right time, there isn't one. Start tomorrow. Even if you have to run one block, walk one block. Hey, we all have to start somewhere!
I have always loved the following quote and it seemed quite fitting in this blog:
"THE RACE IS NOT ALWAYS TO THE SWIFT, BUT TO THOSE WHO KEEP ON RUNNING". I'm gonna keep on running. Sometimes, I'll be running on empty. I'm gonna keep on running. Sometimes, I'll be running down a dream. I'm still gonna keep on running. Maybe I'll take the money and run. You know what? I'm gonna keep on running. Running, running, running.
One word of advice? Don't run behind me. I tend to 'break wind" from time to time :)
Just call me Forrest.
I'm honored to be your friend. You are an inspiration! Keep it up......and then wait for me at the finish line!
ReplyDelete