Sometimes, You'll Learn A Lesson From Kindergarten, Jr. High AND Cosmo...

I got to thinking about lessons.  Life lessons.  Maybe Robert Fulghum was right.  Maybe all we really needed to know we learned in kindergarten.  I was so intrigued by this man, I googled him and happened upon his website.  There, I read a wonderful journal entry titled "IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MIDDLE".  It was about Jr. High.  And, I was immediately transformed back to that time.  Me.  At 12.  I've never been a fan of those years...for anyone.  I did NOT like 6th-8th grades at all.  It's bad enough that you are starting to come into your own at this time, you then have to deal with all the cliques.  Okay, so some of us were still walking around with baby fat and now we have to worry if we were gonna be one of the "popular" kids?  No thanks.  I wish I could go back to have a talk with my Jr. High self.  I'd tell her A LOT can, and has, changed...and, it does get better.

First of all, as the years pass, the cliques slowly fade.  As the song goes, you find out who you friends are, the ones that you know will still be your friend long after those days of braces, acne and really bad outfits.  I'd like to tell my twelve year-old self that it really doesn't matter what you look like.  Or, what you wear.  Or, your shoe size.  Or, where you live.  None of it.  So, calm down.  Don't get so wrapped up in it.  

So what if you wore braces and felt like metal mouth.  You know what that's gonna get you later, little Emily?  A really pretty smile.  One that you can show off in pictures.  You'll be proud of your "pearly whites" one day.  So, quit your bitchin' about having to go get them tightened what seemed like every other week.  

Oh, and you didn't make the basketball team?  Well, I am sure you thought life as you knew it was over.  In fact, I vividly remember you crying about it.  Guess what?  Your life continued on, without much bruising from being cut from the team.  You know what?  In high school, you'll be a swimmer.  So, you won't be the best one.  You will learn that you can train hard and get fit.  So, put that ball away.  You weren't meant to be a basketball player.  I promise, you didn't miss much.

About the dreaded period?  Well, you survived that, too.  Okay, so you really wanted nothing to do with pads.  Believe me, you won't when you're my age, either.  What sane girl wants to walk around with a "boat" between her legs?  Really, who wants that?  And, it's fine.  Your period only rears its semi-ugly head once a month.  Embrace it.  It's a part of what makes you a woman.  Be proud.  Own it.  But, don't always make it known that "Aunt Flo" is visiting.  People don't really need to know.  Sure, you might get cramps.  Surprise!  There's medicine for that.  You'll find there's a medicine for nearly everything...but, I'm getting off track here.

And, you know those boobs that you hoped would get "Dolly Parton" big?  Well, you're gonna be greatly disappointed.  I'll let you in on a little secret.  They're just boobs.  Mostly, they just get in the way.  I wouldn't recommend stuffing your bra.  So, put away the Kleenex.  Believe me, you'll be MOSTLY happy that you don't have DD's.  Trust me, you'll have a pretty easy time finding bras.  Some gals aren't so lucky.  So, when your boobs don't grow much, don't fear.  Take your boobs and run with 'em.  Literally.   Then, you'll realize you can pretty much do what you want.  Like I said, they won't get in your way :)

That shy little girl?  Well, my former self, you'll grow up to be a big, fat smart mouth.  It's okay, don't be scared.  MOST people will laugh.  Maybe with you.  Maybe at you.  Either way, they'll think it's funny.  So, go ahead.  Be funny.  Granted, you won't have your own show like Chelsea Handler, but you'll do pretty well entertaining the fine folks of Tell City.  Some people won't appreciate your humor.  It's okay.  Make fun of yourself anyway.  And, get ready for being a big klutz.  Yep.  You weren't born with the "coordination" gene.  Such is life.  You're gonna fall...A LOT.  And, you're gonna say A LOT of silly and stupid stuff.  Just don't get mad when people bring it up from time to time.  I guarantee it'll bring a smile to your face.  Laugh.  And, do it big.  

Maybe some of your classmates will forever live in that so-called "Ivory Tower".  Don't worry, you won't be one of them.  Stay happy, humble and hopeful.  You have a bright future ahead of you.  Don't let those years define your life.  Trust me, it gets WAY better.  I should know.  I've lived it all and I'm still standing...well, right now I'm sitting.  But, you get my drift!  

"Aunt Flo" just left (thank goodness...she can be a real hag).  You still aren't a basketball player (probably not such a big deal now that you can barely walk without falling).  And, those teeth?  Well, there's a big reason why you should keep on smiling.  That's all you can really do anyway. 

So, listen up, little girl.  There's life out there...and, it's yours to grab by the balls.  Just don't grab too tightly.  Sometimes, they turn blue.  And, I'll guarantee you won't learn that in Jr. High. Or, kindergarten, for that matter.  I'll leave that lesson for you to learn on your own...from Cosmo.

Now, it's time for a nap.  And, to thank the Lord above my lovely period is over for another month!