I remember this one time, when I was in elementary school, a friend and I were completely obsessed with New Kids on the Block, or NKOTB, as they were referred to by all of the "die hard" fans. I had this brilliant idea that we were gonna call a hotline completely devoted to all things NKOTB. If you were lucky, you might actually get to talk to the "kid" of your dreams, or so our naive brains thought. I was ready. My favorite was Jordan. I didn't quite get how a guy could get his voice to go in the range that maybe only poodles could understand and decipher but, nonetheless, he was tops in my book. So, I dialed. Numerous times. Obviously, the voices we heard were actually a recording and not the real people. But, we were in hog heaven. So much so, I kept dialing. And, dialing. And, dialing. Little did I know (I would only find out weeks later when my poor parents got the phone bill) I made a very COSTLY mistake. Oops. As it turned out, the number actually started with a 1-900 and NOT a 1-800. My bad. Once you dial what seemed like ninety times, you forget that it might actually cost. Back then, it might have only been $1.99 per call. At any rate, I never once got to talk to the New Kids again. Darn.
I also remember this one time, when I about five, I thought it might be a good idea to strip naked and run outside. Never mind that half the men on the block were right across the street. I didn't care. I'll never know why I chose to run out in my "birthday suit". All I know is that I ran out, started waving and somehow got all of their attention. Besides, don't we all look the same naked? In the eyes of a wee little one, I guess so.
Then, I remember picture day in second grade. I wore a dress. A really heinous one, to be exact. I looked like a Pilgrim. Or, someone straight out of "Little House on the Prairie". My Smurfette glasses didn't help matters. Neither did my haircut. I had gone to the bathroom that day. I guess I should've asked someone how to go to the bathroom in a dress. Yes, I got in the stall, and forgot that I could simply pull the dress up, drop my drawers and pee. So, what did I do? Yep, I took the whole damn dress off. To this day, my second-grade teacher and I still get quite a laugh out of that little incident in the bathroom. Hey, at least I wasn't "smokin' in the boys room".
Fast-forward to Jr. High. I remember this one time, in English class. We were talking about some book we were reading (parts of this story have left my brain) and someone had commented, "Well, maybe he should just amputate it." Me, trying to look all smart and sophisticated yelled out, "Nah, maybe he should just cut it off." I was serious. I didn't quite get why everyone was looking at me and laughing. Then, I realized what was going on. Duh, that's the same thing. My bad.
A recent incident involved work. Most notably falling at work. Several months ago, I was assessing a patient. After asking if there was anything I could do before I left, I started to walk backwards. Don't ever do this. Especially if you are clumsy. Like me. As I started to turn around, my feet got caught up in the patient's bed alarm and down I went. In a blaze of glory. At that point, my legs were up in the air facing the patient. And, my face was as red as my scrub top. I vividly remember this patient laughing hysterically. Not one of my finer moments. "Hi, my name is Emily, and I'll be your nurse tonight. I'm very uncoordinated, but that shouldn't worry you one bit. Unless, of course, I have a needle in my hand".
At times, I wish I wasn't so clumsy. Or, random. Or, silly. I wish I could walk a straight line without wondering if and when I'll take a tumble. I wish I could always say and do the right thing. Then I think that my clumsiness, my silliness, my randomness is what makes me ME. And, that is mighty fine.
Thankfully, I've gotten rid of those "not-so-cool" Smurfette glasses in exchange for some really cool purple specs. I no longer wear dresses from the 1850's. My love for NKOTB has faded. And, I've learned to put clothes on before I leave the house. You should all be thankful for that last part. However, don't we all look the same naked? My five-year-old self seems to think so. Embrace your nakedness and show off that pretty birthday suit every once in a while. In the privacy of your own bedroom, of course :)
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