Even Jesus Loves TURTLES ♥

As long as I can remember, I've never been good at resting up the night before anything I considered "big".  Christmas Eve, forget sleep.  The night before my nursing boards, forget sleep.  The night before my very first 10K, forget sleep!  I had every intention of going to bed at a decent hour, but Facebook sometimes gets in the way of my good intentions!  At any rate, I was wide awake at 0400 on Saturday morning.  I woke up in a panic, mostly because I was afraid I'd sleep right through my alarm.  Yesterday was the first test for me.  The test to see if I was actually a runner.  Sure, I had been training for several months.  Sure, I had run the SF Road Run.  But, this was going to be the moment I was going to know, once and for all, if I could do this.  If I could "run with the big dogs", so to speak.  I was getting ready to tackle my longest run to date.  And, I was nervous.  Like, "so nervous I could puke" nervous.  I was anxious.  Scared.  Excited.  Nervous.  I had so many emotions welling up inside me.  Needless to say, I was ready to get the run over with and quick.

I followed my usual pre-run routine and consumed a good breakfast.  I laced up my sneakers and said a prayer.  I headed out the door to meet my friend, Amy, at her house.  She had graciously agreed to drive.  At the early hour of 0545 (still dark outside!), we left TC for the town of French Lick.  Rain slowly fell on the windows and I was uncertain about the day.  I had never run in rain.  I didn't know how to mentally prepare for any condition other than a sunny day.  Crap!  I could feel the butterflies flying around my stomach.  As we got closer to our destination, this was all becoming real to me.  There was no backing out now.  We were getting closer to our 6.2 mile adventure.  And, I was in desperate need of a paper bag.  I felt like I could vomit, and I didn't want to get Amy's seats dirty!

Finally, after a 45 minute drive, I saw the French Lick Casino through the front windshield.  For the first time, it seemed twice as big as I remember.  My heart started to race.  I needed to catch my breath.  I was telling myself, "breath in, breath out".  After all, it's JUST 6.2 miles, right?  Right.  One step at a time.  We picked up our t-shirts, visited the bathroom countless times, laid on the floor of the resort to stretch our bodies and waited.  And, waited.  The waiting was pure torture!  I wanted to start.  NOW!  Waiting just made me doubt myself and my abilities.  That "lying slut", whom I thought I had left at home, decided to show up and start mouthing.  "Emily, you are completely ridiculous.  You can't do this".  I was cussing her, but she wouldn't shut up.  At that moment, the sun started to peek out from behind a cloud.  After all, God had to get a front row seat for this event!  Luckily, my parents showed up just in time to wish me luck and see Amy and I start the race.  We took off and I felt great.  Piece of cake, right?  In our minds (according to what we had read), the course was flat.  And, fast.  A great combination.  Well, what they failed to mention was that the 5K course was FLAT.  NOT the 10K course.  About a mile into the race, I noticed that the road was gradually going up.  Hmm, maybe people in French Lick don't know the difference between flat and hilly.  As we got  farther into the race, the road kept getting higher and higher.  WTF?  Suddenly, I stopped.  I wanted to flag down the first car and high-tail it out of this town.  Flat my ass!  I started chanting "French Liars".  Amy kept saying, "Keep going.  You've come too far to give up now".  My legs were aching.  More than they ever had before.  My mind wandered to all those people that were probably wishing for me to fail.  That "lying slut" started talking to me again.  "See?  I told you so.  Give up.  You are not a runner.  What are you doing?".  That's when I dug deep.  This hill was not going to defeat me.  So, I started running again.  Then, the hill got even higher.  Crap, I stopped.  I started walking.  What was I doing?  This was a running race?  Not a walking race.  I didn't pay to walk.  I hadn't trained to walk.  So, with MUCH encouragement from Amy, I ran.  And, I ran.  And, I ran.  Finally, what goes up must come down.  And, down we went.  When you are clumsy, going downhill at a pretty fast pace is not a very good idea.  But, I kept on going, thinking that, if I fell, at least I was out there.  I had seen an ambulance at the start of the race.  Surely, all the cops along the route would radio them and they would come rescue me.  

After realizing that I might need medical attention, I started that dreaded walking again.  We were knee-deep in the woods of French Lick.  Hell, I hated this town.  I hated these people for lying.  I hated myself for walking.  I hated the fact that I doubted myself.  After walking about five min a total of three times, I found the will to speed it up.  Mostly, because Amy told me, "Get moving.  You can hate me now and love me later when we're done".  Minutes later, I looked down and saw the "mile 5" marker.  Holy shit!  Only 1.2 miles to go.  Amy was doing her best to distract me from thinking too much.  Talking to me, telling me I could do this.  Telling me were were almost there.  Doing everything she could to keep my body moving.  Around this time, we saw a cop along the side of the road, listening to his scanner.  I could hear someone on the other end saying something about how a few walkers were still on the course.  Um, no.  I'm a runner.  So, I started running again.  There was a guy behind us, in awe of what he had heard, too.  When he caught up to us, he said, "well, I guess that means we have to finish.".  He looked tired.  A few seconds later, he actually told us he had run the 5K, too.  Show off.  

After what felt like hours, I could see the resort in the distance.  At mile marker 6, I was running on empty. I had already surpassed my longest run to date.  I stopped.  I could hear that voice again.  Yes, two-tenths away from the finish line and I was about to give up.  I had nothing left.  That's when Amy said, "think of all those people cheering you on at home, praying for you, sending you good vibes".  That's right.  I had a fan club and I couldn't let them down.  So, I ran.  I ran fast.  And, I ran right to that damn finish line!  I could hear the cheers of the crowd, most of whom had no idea of my journey to this point.  They didn't care.  Most of them had already finished long before I did.  But, they were there cheering me on like I had just won the Boston Marathon.  My mom was snapping pics at the finish line, as was a college friend, whom I hadn't seen in years!  My time?  1:22.53.  Probably not impressive by most people's standards, but it was a HUGE victory for me.  I finished.  

Throughout my 6.2 mile journey yesterday, I learned A LOT!  I learned that I can do anything.  I learned that a little sweat never killed anyone.  I learned that I am unstoppable.  I'll never be the fastest runner out there, but at least I'm out there.  Giving it all I've got.  Leaving it all on the pavement.  I also learned that Amy and I should really going into the "inspirational and funny quotes for t-shirts" business.  We came up with some good ones!  One of the best?  "EVEN JESUS LOVES TURTLES".  

So, maybe I'm a turtle.  Oh well.  In my dreams, I run like a Kenyan :)

"Whether it's a 14 minute mile or a seven minute, at least it's a mile" ~

No offense, USA, but it's definitely HOTTER closer to the Equator :)

I'm not a writer.  Never have been.  Never will be.  But, after my jaunt "South of the border" I feel compelled to write about it.  No, I'm not trying to rub it in and play "I got to go to Mexico and you didn't" games.  Rather, I want to share with you (maybe the whole two people that happen to read this) my experiences while they are all still swimming around in my head.  I wish I could regurgitate every second, sound, smell from my vacation.  Reading about my adventures and looking at the pictures, I feel, just doesn't do Mexico justice.  But, I'll do my best to give it all the credit that it's due...

Monday, July 18th:  This is the day we flew to Cancun.  Better yet, this is "Doom's Day".  Why, you ask?  I'll tell ya.  I've never been a big fan of flying.  It's not so much the "good morning/afternoon/evening, ladies and gentlemen we have now reached our cruising altitude of 33,000 feet" part.  It's the taking off part.  Does anyone enjoy this?  Probably those of you that like to go from zero to 700 miles per hour in two seconds.  At least that's what it feels like to this chicken.  I believe I'd rather have each individual eyebrow plucked than do that over and over again.  At any rate, it comes with the territory and, thus, I deal with it.  Well, maybe with the help of a little Meclizine.  It's not the "ludicrous" speed to which the plane achieves.  It's the overall feeling of weightlessness.  Suddenly, the wheels go run and hide and the plane is now forced to carry the load of about 200 passengers.  Kinda scary, in my opinion!!  Once we reached the top of the world, I was distracted by the people, the sounds, the various languages been spoken.  And, I sipped on my beverage while devouring a teeny-tiny bag of mini pretzels.  Seriously, folks, update your snack selection.  Surely, you can afford a bag of Cheetos!  Long story short, DAY ONE ended with a safe flight and a gorgeous sunset landing in beautiful Mexico.  We staked out the van that would take us to our resort after walking what felt like miles through the airport in Cancun.  I took the advice of a coworker and did NOT make eye contact with many of the males in the airport.  Apparently, doing so will possibly land you a date .  Where, I don't know, but I'll bet it wasn't to our resort!  After speeding through customs and security, we arrived safely to our resort, "Gran Caribe Real Resort and Spa".  We were all ravenous, so we hurried to one of the restaurants and practically ate everything off the buffet, at least I felt like I did.  Day one was nearing an end.  My dogs were barking loudly.  Armed with my memory foam eye shade, I drifted off into a blissful night's sleep, with visions of sand and water dancing in my head.  

Tuesday, July 19th:  Beach time!  I was a little worried because the forecast I had studied religiously for the week we would be in Cancun said a chance of rain every single stinking day!  Well, Tuesday started out to be proving me wrong on all accounts.  Beautiful azure blue skies, a minimal amount of white, fluffy clouds and, of course, that big yellow ball in the sky.  I don't know if any of you were aware of this fact, but Cancun is actually closer to the Equator than TC.  And, let me tell you, you sure could feel it!  The sun was HOT.  No, make that scorching.  Who in the world would want to lay out in weather like this?  Oh wait, that'd be me.  I OD'd on SPF 30 (Yes, I still took some of my dark tanning oil...I can already see the eye rolls!), grabbed a book and ran to the nearest beach chair I could find.  Surprisingly, around 11 o'clock, not many people were found frolicking on the beach.  A ha!, I thought, my chance to stake out a great locale.  Naturally, I headed toward the chair directly below the sun.  Catching some rays was happily interrupted by the sounds of me and my friends laughing, a quick lunch and dips in the ocean.  Luckily, my skin didn't catch fire, although it was touch-and-go for a second.  The only rough spot of day two?  I forgot to put sunscreen on my pretty little face...oops!  I justified that "oops" by thinking that, if nothing else, I could always be Rudolph's understudy.  If he was unable, for any reason, to guide Santa's sleigh, his twin and first runner-up could step in and do the job.  The day ended with a lovely dinner, followed by a walk through the makeshift flea market set up around the pool.  Man, those people were pushy.  One look at them and they pounced like a tiger hunting for prey.  Yes, I fell victim.  I spotted a pair of "Coach" sunglasses and practically got them for free.  So what if they're probably knock-offs.  They were $20.  And, they were cute.  Another plus about this day?  A wonderful massage in the resort spa.  I've never had a massage quite like it!  It was definitely a well-deserved treat for all the knots in my back.  Sixty minutes of absolute bliss.

Wednesday, July 20:  Another beautiful day of sun and sand.  Surely I would've learned my lesson about the intense heat of the day before...WRONG!  There's something about the mix of sun, sand and ocean that causes me to lose all ability to think straight.  I had to lay out.  Again.  There was no stopping me.  How bad could it be, right?  Well, little did I know that the sun was gonna have it in for me.  Too bad I never took into account  that all the sweat pouring off my body was also taking the sunscreen with it.  Lesson learned.  I felt like I was coating myself in sunscreen.  My upper body thought otherwise.  Ouch!  Although not "lobster red", I did have a bit of a burn, but knew that it would most likely turn to turn in a day or so.  I understand this isn't a good way to treat my skin.  But, I guess we all have our vices.  Mine just happens to be loving A LOT of sun exposure!  This day repeated itself like the one before.  Lots of laying out in between bites of food, swigs of water and another fabulous dinner.  I love food.  Almost as much as lounging by the ocean.  On the menu on this particular night?  Sushi and some yummy stir-fry, all consumed by the lovely ocean and a fabulous sunset.  Had I died and gone to heaven?  At that moment, I would've shouted a resounding "YES"!  This day ended with a tattoo.  No, not a real one.  Henna.  I tried to fool people, mainly my mother.  Honestly, I have kinda wanted to see what all the hype was about with getting inked.  Come on, though!  If I wanted to get a tat, I would definitely NOT get my first one in Mexico!  I think some people were fooled.  Others?  Not so much. The two men working the Henna station were unbelievably nice.  We even ended up taking a few pics of them later in the trip and they wrote down their names on a napkin for the purpose of looking them up on facebook...ha!  One of them even uttered the words "lucky bastards" after playing along and posing for some pics.  I'm not lying, it was the only thing I heard him say the entire vacation when we visited them!  He was our artist and did some amazing free-hand henna!

Thursday, July 21:  Surprise...another day of sunscreen and laying out!  Shocking, right?  I had to.  It was another gorgeous day and it's a pity to waste it not trying to become a "bronzed goddess"!  The redness on my upper neck and my face was slowly, but surely, fading to a golden brown.  I grabbed another book from the room and laid claim to a beach chair, positioned every-so strategically in the perfect spot for another round of sun-bathing.  At that moment, I got a little teary.  Watching the water lap upon the sand, hearing the sound of the waves crashing, looking out onto the vast array of water (the most beautiful I had ever seen) and taking in all my surroundings, I realized something.  This opportunity might not come around again.  I was in paradise!  I had to pinch myself a time or two, feeling so blessed to be experiencing all of this with some amazing people.  This moment of appreciation was followed by, you guessed it, another tasty dinner and another look through the flea market.

Friday, July 22:  This day was a little less cooperative, in terms of weather.  Clouds rolled in early in the morning, leaving behind a short sprinkle in its wake.  It's amazing how fast that bout of bad weather came and went.  The sun was attempting to peak its head out and so, since this was going to be my last opportunity, I headed out to my trusty old beach chair and listened to some tunes.  This was the life.  I was secretly plotting ways I could stay here forever.  Surely, I thought, Cancun needed good nurses!  Or, maybe I could get a job at the resort.  I've always wanted to wear one of those big chef's hats.  Not that I cook a lot, but I tried to convince myself I'd probably do a great job bossing everyone else around.  Or, maybe I could dress up in the precious maid's dresses and clean the rooms.  I do love to clean, you know!  Friday night ended with another round of sushi and stir-fry and almost getting blown away during dinner.  Another quick rain swept through and, while gorging myself, we all thought we might be swept away with the wind.  Luckily, though, the wind didn't take us, or our yummy food, away!

Saturday, July 23:  Check-out day.  As much fun as I had with my friends, I was ready to get home to my own bed and back to my non-tropical existence.  I took last-minute pics on my cell phone and said "Adios" to paradise.  We were escorted back to the airport and boarded our flight for Nashville.  We landed safely around 6:00 pm.  Nothing like feeling the wheels of the plane touch down in the good old USA!

I will miss so many things about Mexico.  I will miss the hospitality of the entire staff at the resort.  Each and every person, from the first bell-hop that whisked our bags away, to the nice man that checked us out, I had no complaints.  Everyone was so nice and friendly!  No one was too pushy (I had read a few reviews about how they bug you to go listen to a time-share presentation).  All we had to do was say we weren't interested and no more questions were asked.  Another thing I will miss is the people-watching.  There's nothing like it!  Sit in one of the huge sofas in the lobby that might have been three times the size of my house, and you had an instant show.  People of all nationalities muddled around, visited the lobby bar, or just sat and took in some of the best breezes around.  Believe me, just sitting in the lobby for two seconds with the cool breeze touching my shoulder was enough to put a BIG smile on my face!  I will also miss all the food.  Food glorious food!  It seemed there was food around every corner.  I've never eaten so much food in my life!  Breakfast usually consisted of fruit and yogurt with granola.  I loved the yogurt and granola!  So much so, I ate it every single day!  The fruit was out of this world!  It was all so fresh, so delicious!  A light lunch was normally followed by a hearty dinner.  Believe me, I will NEVER forget all the various kids of foods I ate.  Insane!!

Now, I guess it's back to life, back to reality.  Back to the everyday grind of work and working out.  I worked out today for the first time in over a week and I definitely felt it!  I did enough sweating just being outside in Cancun, I didn't really feel like adding more at the resort gym.  Besides, vacation is meant to be relaxing and a break away from one's normal, hum-drum life.  So, I left my sneakers at home and vowed the only "exercise" I engaged in would be walking to and from eating!  If you've not had the opportunity to visit Cancun, I suggest you do.  Start saving now!  Like I said earlier, my pics just don't do the place justice.  I always thought water that pure and blue was just a myth.  Ha!  No, it's real.  And, it was right outside our patio.  And, a patio hammock?  Really?  A bed right outside our room for our own personal use?  You've got to be kidding me!  All of it true and all of it simply amazing.  I lived the life for a week and it was, in one word, FABULOUS!  I'd always wondered what it would be like to purchase a Visa, fly to a tropical destination and experience all that it had to offer.  And, I did just that.  I don't have a so-called bucket list but, if I did, that would've been at the top of the list.  And, it became my reality this past week.

What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico, at least according to Toby Keith.  Well, Toby, I've spilled all of my "secrets" to the blogging world.  I'm sure my mother is breathing a sigh of relief that I didn't get kidnapped by any drug cartels, land myself booty in the slammer or get married.  Me?  I am breathing a sigh of relief that this vacation went off without a hitch.  Adios, Mexico.  You can guarantee I'll be back to see you someday.  When?  I'm not sure.  Better start saving my pennies :)

YES, I drank the water.  YES, I am still alive.  YES, my GI is apparently made of steel.  Suck on that, Mexican H20 :)

Now, how did all this sand get back to my house? ;)

Trifecta :)

I've never claimed to know much about horse racing.  Last year, I had the opportunity to visit Ellis Park with "professionals".  I use that term in quotes because it wasn't so much that they were famous.  They just knew a hell of a lot more than I did.  And, that wasn't really saying a lot.  My strategy?  Pick the horse with the coolest-sounding name.  Forget the odds, I was convinced that "Beam Me Up Scottie" would surely take me right to the finish line and some fast cash.  Who cares if his odds were 75-1?  Have a little faith!  Yes, that horse's name is real.  Sometimes, I do "surf the net" for my information!  Anyway, my lack of knowledge regarding horses wasn't gonna stop me from betting the farm on "Ever So Clever".  Moral?  If you want to "win big", don't ask me for advice.  And, maybe you ought to just leave me by the buffet.  Now, THAT'S something I do know a lot about...food, glorious food!

Anyway, horse racing affords one the chance to bet on the "trifecta".  Basically, the trifecta is a bet that involves the bettor predicting which horses will place first, second and third in exact order.  I'm sure the odds of hitting are pretty slim.  This is why you need your own "life trifecta".  I've discovered mine!  Now, it's time to discover yours.

The first piece of my"trifecta puzzle"?  Running.  Yes, I talk about running.  A lot.  Probably to the point that most of you wanna run right over me so I'll stop talking about it.  I can't help it.  It's become such a HUGE part of my life.  I'm addicted.  I can't get enough.  It's hard.  It's rough.  It's just plain ugly sometimes, but I've learned to push through all the pain, the hurt, the voices in my head telling me I can't.  Telling me I'm too fat, too lazy, too tired, too whatever.  I haven't yet gotten to my goal of running a half-marathon, but I'll get there.  Not every horse jumps out of the gate and is magically at the finish line!  And, not every bettor gets it right the first time around.  And, I'm certain that not every average, run-of-the-mill gal is able to run a half-marathon in 12 weeks.

The second piece of the "trifecta puzzle"?  A Mexican getaway.  I've always wanted to go to Mexico, but I've been leery.  Mostly of the flying.  Maybe a small part of me always thought I would be THE girl to go on vacation with my friends, step off the plane and be hog-tied and whisked away by the drug cartel!  Ha!  Then, all of TC would be glued to their TVs, watching poor little me making a plea for someone to come rescue me.  Sure, I'd act like everything was all "hunky dory", but I would have a signal telling you all of the horrible things happening to me, most notably not being able to shower and get on facebook :)  Well, this piece of the puzzle will soon fit perfectly.  Next Monday, I'm flying to Cancun with three of my friends for some much-needed R&R!  Paradise, here I come!  Don't worry, I'll send you a postcard.  That, I'm sure, won't get to you until after I'm back!  That's usually how it goes.  Hey, it's the thought that counts!  If you want a postcard from yours truly, send me your address.  If you don't receive one, alert the authorities.  I may be in a Mexican prison somewhere, forced to eat cans of SPAM, watch "Toddlers and Tiaras" and knit sweaters for the prison guards.

The third piece of my "trifecta puzzle"?  Going back to school and getting my bachelor's in nursing.  Granted, I already have my bachelor's in healthcare administration.  Hell, why not go back and get another one!  I'm not quite sure when I'll get the ball rolling on this one, but it will most likely be in the Fall.  I've had several people strongly suggest I get my BSN.  Not because they thought I needed it, but because they felt I could do it.  One person, in particulary, is a nurse who'll be retiring this year.  As much as I know she's ready to hang up her cap, I will really, really, really, really miss her and her wonderful wealth of knowledge.  She usually laughs it off and says I'll be fine when she's no longer working at the hospital.  I seem to think we'll have some really big shoes to fill once she's walked out for the last time.  I admire her many years of service to the profession and wonder if I can make it 35+ years like she has done.  I suppose, if I can get through nursing school and pass boards, then I can pretty much do anything.  Maybe even birth a 16-pound baby :)

What's your "life trifecta"?  I've told you mine.  If you haven't discovered it yet, go out and find three things that will drive you, make you want to be a better person.  Don't feel discouraged if you just start with one thing.  Find what you love and do it on purpose.  Once you've mastered that, find something else that makes you wanna get up every single day and be a better person.

Now, it's off to dream about Mr. Ed and all things horse.  I'll leave you with THREE of the funniest names I've discovered.

1.  Knock Your Socks Off
2.  Sir Kick-A-Lot
3.  Nimfo Noon

The last one?  Yep, it's real.  I couldn't make this stuff up, folks!  Okay, maybe I could.  After all, my mind is usually on a way-one train to "Gutter Town" ;)

Your Pace Or Mine?

I'm still up.  This should not come as a shock to anyone that knows me.  Sleep and I haven't exactly been on speaking terms lately.  I used to not be able to function unless I got at least 10 hours of sleep.  Now?  Well, I am good if I get about five hours.  Yes, I know all the potential health risks this poses.  I'm a nurse.  I get it,  But, what's a night owl to do?

Anyway, it's at this time of the night/morning that I do some of my best thinking.  I am sure some of you are really sick of hearing me talk about my new-found love affair with running.  It's become very important to me, so I continue to write about it.  As some of you know, I finally graduated from the C25K program.  In laymen's terms, that program got me off the couch and on the treadmill.  And, it made a runner out of me.  Me, the girl who HATED the idea of running and basically any "fool" that chose to torture him/herself with such a stupid activity.  I used to joke that I would only run if someone was chasing me.  I used every excuse in the book (in fact, I wrote the book!) on why I couldn't run.  I'm too fat, it's too hot, I'm too tired, I'm too whatever it happened to be that I could come up with in a pinch.  Basically, I was jealous that there were so many people out there just gliding through the streets of TC.  I secretly wanted to be one of THOSE people.  Robots, if you will.  They all made it look so easy, so effortless.  I'm not quite sure many of them ever broke a sweat.  I, on the other hand, broke a sweat just thinking about biting into a doughnut. So, for years, I sat in awe, envious of their abilities to run circles around town.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.  I believe that I started "running" at the right time.  Granted, it took me 32 years to figure that out!  Still, it swooped into my life at just the right moment.  I was feeling really down on myself.  Many of you probably think I have it all together all the time.  That's far from the truth.  I use my ability to be a smartass as a cover on most days.  Better to make fun of yourself and beat everyone else to the punch, right?  Right.  I had always heard of the "Couch to 5K" program, but it seemed too hard.  Something made me search for the app for my phone, though.  I remember the exact day.  It was as if the sign came from above.  I can't always explain why things happen when and why they do.  That's really not my purpose for writing this.  All I know is that my life has really changed since the day I finally decided to give running a chance.

After A LOT of sweat and countless miles on the treadmill, I can proudly say that I finished the program and I am now starting the "bridge to 10K" program.  Day 1 is in the books.  It was TOUGH!  But, I made it without wanting to crawl into a hole and die.  I felt great afterwards.  Well, except for that darn leg cramp!  It's a good thing I love bananas and powerade!!!  Sorry, mom, but I did whisper a few expletives about halfway through my run yesterday!  I'll gladly take the occasional muscle cramp, though.  Because, there's a bigger picture here.  I feel the healthiest I've felt in a long time!  I am not as tired as before.  I finally have my confidence back!  I believe that I am slowly becoming addicted.  I used to grumble when I knew I had to go to the gym and run.  Now?  I don't wanna stop!  We'll see if I'm still feeling this way when I start to transition outside!  I don't do well on most normal days when it's as hot as Hades, so I can only imagine what I'll be screaming when I'm running out in the heat!  I think I'll just stick to midnight runs!!  I've even started to do a few "two-a-days" during the week.  Insane?  Perhaps.  Dedicated?  You betcha :)  I even bought a new running shirt a few months ago.  "Your pace" on the front.  "Or mine?" on the back...yes, it cracked me up.  Hey, I never claimed to act my age.

I have learned so much throughout the last nine weeks, most notably of my ability to trust myself and the process.  There's no doubt anymore.  Sure, I may occasionally want to puke int he middle of the training, but I somehow find a way to push through.  I'm a Capricorn.  We're pretty hard-headed and stubborn.  So, when we wanna do something, you better believe we'll accomplish it!  Something silly that I've started to do (and it has helped tremendously!!!) is imagining someone's face at the end of the treadmill.  It's usually a different person each time.  The person (in my mind, at least!) is constantly yelling at me to push through the pain, rise above the hurt and keep on keepin' on.  Most of the time, it works!

Running really is a metaphor for life.  You get out of it what you put into it.  Sure, you are competing against thousands come race day.  But, THE most important race lies within the runner.  If I'm willing to put in the time and effort it takes to solidify my relationship with running, then good will happen.  Like I said before, I've become a night owl.  It's okay.  I've got miles to go before I sleep...

My only advice to those of you wanting to run?  Do it!  Just don't EVER eat an apple before you hop on the treadmill.  Take it from me, I learned my lesson the hard way and so did the gym bathroom!

I'm Like The Little Engine That Could :)

I've always been a BIG worry wart.  I worry about my life, your life, their life.  I worry about the weather, my family, friends and pets (if I had them!).  I worry about the price of gas, why orange is such a popular color and how on Earth I got to be 32.  This is staring to sound like a bad version of a Pattly Loveless song!  To make a long story short, I worry.  A lot.  Nearly everything I worry about is way out of my control.  But, I still feel the need to worry about it.  Why do I do this to myself?  It's like a game.  Emily, sure it's necessary to worry when the price of milk will start coming down.  And, those credit card bills?  Yep, worry about those, too.  Why aren't you a size 4?  You probably ought to worry and obsess about the scale...just add that to your ever-growing list.  Why not!  Do you see a pattern here?

I worry to the point of feeling anxious about "things" that worry me.  Sounds great, right?  NOT!  Most people that know me will agree that I am a super control freak.  If I don't have control over MOST of life, then that's just not good enough.  So, if you're gonna throw me a surprise party, think again.  I didn't spend months and months helping you plan it, so it's obviously gonna suck and not be absolutely perfect.  WTF?  And, that speech you just delivered?  Yep, I would've given a better one.  Oops, that leads me to another one of my flaws.  Pride.  Sure, you might think I am generous, but I'm usually just harboring feelings of resentment for anyone that has the nerve to do something better and faster.  I have to be the best at everything and feel like a total failure when I am proven wrong.  Anything you can do, I can do better.  Oh yeah, you baked that cake in 35 minutes?  Well, move over, 'cause I can make it in 34.  Seriously, this is how my brain works most of the time.  I'm not saying this holds true when it comes to my friends.  I am genuinely happy for anything they do.  But, if I don't know you, then it's game on.  Let's see who can tie their shoelaces the fastest.  I can pretty much make a competition out of any activity.

What's your point, Emily?  I knew you'd ask.  My point is this.  I'm beginning a journey to stop these behaviors.  As Brooks and Dunn  sang, "I saw the light...".  Good thing, too.  I've been drinking a little too much "haterade" for my own good lately.  You know what's helped me the most?  Running.  Yep.  Running has forced me to get really honest with myself.  I've realized that I haven't been all that nice lately.  In other words, I need a filter for my mouth!  If you've been acting like a "douche bag", then I've been letting the whole wide world know it.  Screw you if you don't like me.  Screw you if you don't agree with everything I do.  Screw you for not thinking I am an amazing person.  I'm slowly learning that that's not a wise thing to do.  At least not broadcasting it to anyone and everyone who'll listen!  As the song goes, sometimes the "tales grow taller on down the line".  Running has become my own "white flag".

Why do I let someone's opinion of me influence my life so much?  I know why.  Because, like most girls who are like this, I have issues with self-esteem.  Hence the reason why I started running in the first place.  I'll admit, I did it for reasons that I am not proud of at this moment.  Yes, I did it because I thought someone had done me wrong.  It doesn't matter who.  Hell, at the time I started,  it could've been a dog.  Anyway, I started running as a sort of "middle finger salute".  Like a, "how dare you treat me like that?".  Well, I'll show you. I'm gonna do something that you probably think I can't.  Fast-forward nine weeks and I feel great!  I've slowly let go of those old tendencies.  Granted, the middle finger has come down and I feel no ill will toward anyone but the person who thinks orange is the new black.  Three months ago, the only thing I would've run to would've been a bowl of ice cream or a bed!  Now?   I'm running for me.  I'm running for anyone that thinks it's impossible.  I'm running for my health and well-being.  I'm running to prove to myself that I can.  And, I have!  I will admit that it's been hard at times.  I've found myself on the treadmill thinking, "what the hell are YOU doing?  You stupid asshole!  YOU can't do this?".  Well, I've learned to silence that voice inside my head always telling me I CAN'T.  Because, you know what?  I can.  I've been proving that over and over for the last nine weeks.  And, I'm going to keep on proving it until I cross that finish line at the half marathon.  Watch me.  Don't worry.  You're safe.  I won't give you the "bird"!  I've softened...A LOT!

I was talking to a friend this evening about running the Schweizer Fest 2-mile this year.  Her reply was, "Yes, but I'm running the six-mile.  And, you are, too".  How can I argue with that?  I can't.  I am seriously considering it.  Will I be the fastest?  Hell no.  But, at least I won't be asleep in bed, still hungover from the beer garden like most of TC!  I'm a "real" athlete now.  I've got miles to go before I sleep...

My old self would've said, "if it's hard, DON'T DO IT".  Sorry, old self.  but, you're gettin' kicked to the curb.  Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.  These running shoes are made for running...and, one of these days, these running shoes are gonna run all over you.  YOU being my former "you sure can't run so don't even try" self.

If I've inspired one person to get out there and run 30 seconds, then I've done my job.  My new life motto is "pay it forward".  I don't wanna be anyone's hero.  I'm much too flawed for that title.  I just want to be a someone who gets people to change their way of thinking.  To stop thinking that they can't do something.  As corny as it sounds, you really CAN do anything you put your mind to.  Kindly remember that the next time you start to to think this "phat" girl can't run.

Remember that little engine?  Yeah, I'm striving to be like it.  "I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN" :)

This Ain't Your Typical "Animal Kingdom" :)

I have decided to really "study up" on the mating rituals of animals.  Yes, maybe I have lost it.  But, then again, did I ever really have "it"?  I think not!  So, here we go to the animal kingdom...

1.  CATS:  I've discovered that a female cat will start by flirting with the male cat (also called a Tom).  Of course, there's the beginning of our problem.  The male cat actually is called by a common name.  Yikes!  Anyway, so she flirts a lot.  Females go through four hormonal cycles.  I won't go into detail with any of them.  But, I will say this.  The most important stage (and the one that I, of course, found funniest!) is called estrus.  It's stage two.  This stage is also known as "heat".  No, not the NBA team.  The queen, as female cats are called (how fitting!), will meow more frequently in an attempt to find her tom.  She might rub up against you, perhaps because she thinks you're that "tom".  Probably one of the reasons why I don't really want a cat!  If you happen to have a cat, be prepared to be in agony for 4-6 days.  If, by some chance, Queen finds her Tom, both cats will study each other carefully.  The two cats will explore each other's bodies, including licking the face and then staring at the genitals.  Seriously?  Might as well just rent a porn for the two.  Your cat might be quite selective in which Tom she goes after.  And, please don't be offended if she goes after a different Tom than the one you foolishly tried to set her up with...shame on you for not really knowing her true tastes :)

2.  DOGS:  Dogs have always fascinated me.  Their mating behaviors are quite unique.  The "bitch" has her first "heat" experience anywhere from 6-12 months of age.  What a slut!  At any rate, this is when the bitches realize the ways of the world.  It doesn't take them long to find that male companion.  The testosterone level in male dogs reaches its peak around 5 months of age (wow, really?)  By this time, their repetitive mounting and thrusting behaviors have probably started to become a nuisance to their owners.  I mean, why buy the porn when you can get the act for free in your own backyard?  Also, the male and female dog literally get stuck together during the act.  OMG.  I think I've read enough.

3.  RABBITS:  "Bunny Sex" has baffled mankind for years, even to the point of becoming legendary.  It's not so much that rabbits are always having marathon sex sessions (Ha...they do not), but their ability to manifest an awesome propagation is quite astounding.  They can literally make millions from a single sex session.  Gives new meaning to "We are the World", doesn't it?!?  Bunny courtship always starts with the male rabbit (buck) being attracted to the female rabbit (doe).  Gee, I think I liked the minds of the dogs and cats better!    The buck's testicles are full and bulging during his virile stage.  Otherwise, they are absorbed into his abdomen. Okay, that's just disgusting.  To make a long story short, buck meets doe.  Buck lets doe know he's interested.  He'll start to circle his potential prize, showing off his tail and underside.  He'll start to act really crazy and even urinate on the doe.  Hmm, I'm glad this concept somehow didn't translate over to the human world.  The entire act of sex for rabbits takes about 20 seconds.  Then, it's time for "Little Bunny Foo Foo" to hop, hop, hop away :)

4.  CHICKENS:  The typical mating ritual starts with the rooster dancing around the hen.  Perhaps he thinks he's in "da club" and needs to prove his "mad" dance skills.  He'll flap his wing around her but, more often than not, the smart hen will run away, only to be chased down by the rooster and mounted...and, that is how the insemination process begins!  Damn roosters.  I have discovered through hours of research (okay, so maybe just about five minutes!) that roosters are very clever animals.  Another ritual involves the rooster's cunning.  When a rooster feels the need to get a hen pregnant, he'll lead her out to food.  He'll do this by making a loud, high-pitched clucking sound.  Being a gentleman, he'll kindly let the hen eat first.  And, out of nowhere, he'll mount her from behind.  What a typical male!  At least the hen got to eat first :)

5.  BANANA SLUGS:  These slugs are really funny!  The average eight-inch slug also has an eight-inch penis.  When he first realizes this, I am sure he's probably really, really stoked.  When he hears through the grapevine that his potential mate could actually chew it off, he probably becomes just a wee bit depressed!  As you can see, this fact could cause a huge problem for the banana slug, because they must find a mate that is the same size.  If they happen to have been born with crappy eyesight, they won't properly fit and then the mate will gnaw on it like a chicken wing to solve the length problem, or lack thereof!  The record holder for slugs had a penis five times the length of its own body, which I can only assume it wrapped around its head as protection on a cold winter's night :)

Moral of my research?  I've learned nothing but this...everyone and everything has sex.  Men.  Women.  Cats.  Dogs.  Rabbits.  Chickens.  Even those damn banana slugs!  It's everywhere.  On TV.  In bedrooms.  In cars.  On the ground.  In a van down by the river.  Everywhere, people!

Now, it's time for me to get back to my own porno...and, it's happening right in my back yard :)

Runnin' Down a Dream...

Well, it's nearly summer and it has once again snuck up on me and my giant arse.  Ya know what, though?  I'm seven weeks in to the C25K program and I am amazed at how my booty is slowly, but surely, shrinking.  Who knew running would actually be beneficial!  I used to hate to run.  And, I used to hate the people that loved to run.  I'd see those dedicated "losers" out running in rain, sleet, snow and hail and wonder if they were smoking the crack pipe.  I'm here to tell the doubters this...GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!  One step at a time.  Seven weeks ago, I was barely able to talk after jumping off the treadmill.  Now?  I feel great!  I am up to running 25 minutes without stopping.  That might not sounds like a lot but, to me, it's HUGE!  And,  now when I'm finished, I don't feel like I am gonna fall over and die.  Running, and this program, has truly been one of THE best things that has ever happened to me.  Not only for the obvious health benefits (and, the fact that I think someone could start bouncing quarters off my derriere!), but I have gained oodles and oodles of confidence.  Believe me, if I can run, I can do anything.  Okay, okay, not anything.  I refuse to eat mushrooms.  Or, brussel sprouts.  Or, drink coffee or tea.  But, other than those things, BRING IT ON :)

So, I have almost conquered the C25K program.  I definitely was a big skeptic in the beginning.  I can't do this!  It's too hard!  I'm too fat!  I don't have time!  I'm so tired!  I'm so hungry!  I can't, I don't, I won't...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  I made a promise to myself that nothing was going to stop me from reaching the end.  Not being too tired.  Not being too afraid.  Not anyone thinking I couldn't do it.  I know I'm not the world's fastest runner.  I don't want that title.  I just want to be able to run and not die.  Exercise and not collapse.  Rise above the odds and keep going.  One mile at a time.

I'm a wee bit embarrassed to admit that, in the beginning, my motivation for wanting to complete the program went a little beyond just the obvious benefits of health and wellness.  I am a pretty competitive person.  If you tell me I can't do something or somehow doubt that I can do something, then I'll do it.  And, do it way better than ever imagined.  So, that was my motivation at the start.  Now?  My motivation is all those people that have been so incredibly supportive.  Those that have given me advice.  Those that have believed in my abilities.  At this point, I'm like the little engine that could.  And, you know what?  I'm gonna "keep on keepin' on" until I get to my goal.  And, that is 13.1 :)

Moral of this story?  Go out and conquer your fears.  If you want to run, then run.  If you want to bungee jump, then take the plunge.  If you want to eat a tub of ice cream, then do it.  But, can you let me know when that happens so I can invite myself over?  That'd be great!

On that note, the Kenyans called.  They heard about my story and need some running advice ;)